New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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