just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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