I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
