I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
