im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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