It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
