It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
