You're so nebulous sometimes
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
