Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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