awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
