I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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