You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
