And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
