if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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