so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
