tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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