so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
