fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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