goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
