How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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