Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
