I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
zippers are such a cool invention
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
