hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
