Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
