i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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