Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Did I show you my penis last night?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
