Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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