I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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