Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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