I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
