A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
