I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
bring money and cleavage
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
