I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
