The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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