i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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