Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
