Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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