Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
