why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
