actually, I'm a sock model
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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