I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
