I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's shark week go big or go home
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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