what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I would fuck him just for his dog
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
