Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
