i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
