Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
