I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
zippers are such a cool invention
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
