Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
should my penis look like a turkey
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
