If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
