Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
