I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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