Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
