Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
