Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
