I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
