I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
