my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
