She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
