Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
