it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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