Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
