dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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