I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
then he tried to convert me to islam
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
