My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
