Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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