problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
