I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
