she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
