never play flip cup with pint glasses
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
