Your face is a jimmy john
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
