remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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