Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  so when am I gonna get some from you?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  when you dick grows 3 inches

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  (202): so when am I gonna get some from you? (617): when you dick grows 3 inches http://tfl.nu/rd2p
  Replies (74) Good night (1994) Bad night (8889)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.

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  (614): We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams. http://tfl.nu/ox7r
  Replies (47) Good night (10752) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!

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  (412): Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid! http://tfl.nu/xi6r
  Replies (51) Good night (1446) Bad night (10552)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

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  (919): My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ix9e
  Replies (68) Good night (18234) Bad night (1452)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.

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  (386): Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately. http://tfl.nu/dyb2
  Replies (17) Good night (926) Bad night (6295)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.

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  (618): When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ntsr
  Replies (9) Good night (3619) Bad night (1204)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.

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  (405): You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow. http://tfl.nu/0l2h
  Replies (6) Good night (3748) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on

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  (281): I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on http://tfl.nu/3rfp
  Replies (13) Good night (4411) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (438): View more from Quebec

  I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.

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  (438): I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning. http://tfl.nu/ev9g
  Replies (15) Good night (3177) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.

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  (315): I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry. http://tfl.nu/6f2v
  Replies (3) Good night (2770) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.

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  (316): Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired. http://tfl.nu/ogws
  Replies (27) Good night (2872) Bad night (721)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day

  (1-716): View more from New York

  Eh. They balance each other out

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  (716): I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day (1-716): Eh. They balance each other out http://tfl.nu/9dcn
  Replies (6) Good night (1017) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them

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  (206): just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them http://tfl.nu/w8ay
  Replies (5) Good night (421) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?

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  (601): It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/jgb0
  Replies (2) Good night (454) Bad night (194)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out

  (253): View more from Washington

  why what happened?

  (607): View more from New York

  Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.

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  (607): I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out (253): why what happened? (607): Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket. http://tfl.nu/9yxi
  Replies (9) Good night (610) Bad night (244)

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