You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem