Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI

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(415): I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI http://tfl.nu/f789

Replies (3) Good night (915) Bad night (786)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets

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(414): I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets http://tfl.nu/vdn6

Replies (14) Good night (1099) Bad night (3847)
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(647): View more from Ontario

Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night

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(647): Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night http://tfl.nu/qsqx

Replies (10) Good night (918) Bad night (4932)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...

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(250): He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock... http://tfl.nu/tura

Replies (15) Good night (5776) Bad night (1477)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves

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(402): You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves http://tfl.nu/lewx

Replies (7) Good night (901) Bad night (2318)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.

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(601): If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender. http://tfl.nu/eg99

Replies (1) Good night (1960) Bad night (803)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.

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(978): I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them. http://tfl.nu/nsss

Replies (8) Good night (1684) Bad night (587)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.

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(508): Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos. http://tfl.nu/qg1c

Replies (7) Good night (1806) Bad night (605)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..

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(605): I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us.. http://tfl.nu/2996

Replies (20) Good night (3616) Bad night (866)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on

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(313): Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on http://tfl.nu/edc7

Replies (11) Good night (1115) Bad night (451)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.

(1-978): View more from Massachusetts

Did you sleep with him again?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?

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(978): The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me. (1-978): Did you sleep with him again? (978): No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me? http://tfl.nu/swvn

Replies (5) Good night (469) Bad night (1001)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal

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(540): I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal http://tfl.nu/b5ht

Replies (1) Good night (578) Bad night (324)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth

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(301): I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth http://tfl.nu/jeme

Replies (7) Good night (682) Bad night (554)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'

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(440): Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.' http://tfl.nu/rdeh

Replies (2) Good night (322) Bad night (438)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

It was so small.

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.

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(603): It was so small. (1-603): Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way. http://tfl.nu/witd

Replies (5) Good night (292) Bad night (414)

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