Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.