I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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