Texts From Last Night

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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

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  (843): got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired http://tfl.nu/eibd
  Replies (80) Good night (2740) Bad night (36017)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life

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  (636): Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life http://tfl.nu/x73d
  Replies (45) Good night (8603) Bad night (791)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.

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  (614): just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good. http://tfl.nu/28dw
  Replies (16) Good night (5136) Bad night (1304)
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  (760): View more from California

  is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?

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  (760): is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group? http://tfl.nu/g166
  Replies (14) Good night (2848) Bad night (1312)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout

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  (281): seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout http://tfl.nu/w9k1
  Replies (6) Good night (2524) Bad night (1317)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?

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  (918): Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right? http://tfl.nu/jzhy
  Replies (2) Good night (2080) Bad night (730)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.

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  (406): You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic. http://tfl.nu/4fes
  Replies (2) Good night (909) Bad night (657)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica

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  (540): I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica http://tfl.nu/lleg
  Replies (2) Good night (1956) Bad night (521)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head

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  (815): I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head http://tfl.nu/qmtv
  Replies (18) Good night (1399) Bad night (1885)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird

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  (608): I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird http://tfl.nu/y10m
  Replies (6) Good night (1115) Bad night (758)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.

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  (989): It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks. http://tfl.nu/f9iv
  Replies (12) Good night (1052) Bad night (649)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.

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  (952): I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous. http://tfl.nu/ct4x
  Replies (1) Good night (882) Bad night (340)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.

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  (407): I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter. http://tfl.nu/mj4q
  Replies (2) Good night (693) Bad night (372)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"

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  (406): Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!" http://tfl.nu/tsa9
  Replies (4) Good night (655) Bad night (241)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I can't remember dinner

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"

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  (850): I can't remember dinner (1-850): Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!" http://tfl.nu/mx63
  Replies (1) Good night (680) Bad night (298)

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