Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
only if we run a train.
done.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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