Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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