Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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