Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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