He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
