If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
