Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
