I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
