the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
